Have you ever thought beyond the usual Dharamji and Big B dialogs in Hindi movies? We have a lot of stereotyped conversations of those Hindi movies which seem funny now. If somebody wants to make a movie using all those dialogs, I’m sure; he will be able to do cost cutting in script writing up to a great extent. So, now I’m thinking of giving a free advice to Mahesh Bhatt to quit making those sex and violence movies and make some comedy movies. To make his work simple, I’m writing some sample dialogs, hope he picks up an idea from them.

Scene 1:

A female call centre employee is kidnapped by a goon.

Kidnapper: Chal phone lagaa ghar pe………aur maang bees lakh, nahin to tujhe pata hai, apun kya kar sakta hai tere saath!

Ladki: Jo karna hai, kar le. Main nahin karoongi phone…..aur haan teen din ke andar ek Unwanted-72 le aana!

Scene 2:

Wife and mother of a salesman kidnapped.

Kidnapper to mother: Aee….. boodhiya, phone lagaa apne bete ko….aur paisa maang, nahin toh abhi tum donon ko khallas kar dalega!!!!

Mother: Yeh kisko pakad liya tum logon ne……kuchh nahin milnewala tum logon ko!!!!…isse achha hota, agar tum uske potential customer ko pakadte……..!!!! Tum logon ko paisa miljata………..aur mere bête ki sales bhi badh jaati. Lekin humen chhodane ke liye uske paas time kahan hai?

Scene 3: A top NASA astronomer is kidnapped by a biotechnologist.

Astronomer: Tum kya karne wale ho mere saath?

Biotechnologist: Hum tumhara ek clone banayega…..aur usme tumhara memory dalega……hum dekhna chahta hai ki human cloning kitna successful hai?

2 years passes by. The astronomer, once back from a space tour finds his clone with his wife in bed. The wife not so intelligent, but a beautiful ex-model, says – “Ab tum dono aapas me faisla karo, kaun mere saath rahega…bahut confusion hota hai…..by the way, I’m comfortable with both of you”.

Scene 4:

The conversation between the CEO of a company and his gorgeous lady secretary….

Lucie: Boss, mein aapke bachhe ki maa banne wali hoon…

Boss: What crap..!!!!………..arre meri biwi ne chaar saal pehle, jabardasti mera nasbandi ka operation karwadiya tha.  Uske baad maine na jaane kya kya kiya…….tab kuchh nahin hua, toh ab kaise hogaya?

Scene 5:

Villain: Agar tune apne maa ka doodh piya hai, toh baahar nikal…..aur lad mujhse………..!!!

Hero: Kaise ladoon saale, tu ne condition jo rakh diya hai………?

Villain: Matlab, saaf saaf bol….

Hero: Kaash meri maa ne apne khoobsoorti se jyaada mujh pe dhyaan diya hota.

Scene 6:

Arre……Ruk ja bhai……….ek din me sab kuchh padh lega kya? Aaj ke liye itna kaafi hai……….aur haan, if you have any more of them, please contribute. The best contributor will be awarded “ONE PACKET GOA”.

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